Thursday, March 26, 2009

My Baby

What happened to my baby? He isn't a baby anymore.

I was looking through these photographs that my friend Vicki took of Stinx, some at 4 months old and some just before he turned 1.

Man it sure makes me wonder where the time has gone. It really went too quickly.

I was at a friend's house yesterday and I just admired her little one year old. I really loved that age. I love 2 too, but in different ways. I love looking back at Stinx when he was 1. It was fun times.

I clearly have baby fever. I can't wait to have a tiny little baby again.

I've been thinking a lot about birth again. I want so badly to experience a vaginal birth but at the same time I don't want to become obsessed with it. If I obsess about having a natural vaginal birth and then really do need a c-birth, I don't want to feel like I "lost". I don't want to have a guilty feeling about it. Rather, I hope to have a VBAC and try everything I can to do so, but be at complete peace if a c-birth is needed, because, I will know I tried everything I could. And, yeah, I don't want to overhthink it.
My main concern is getting a midwife. There is a major midwife shortage in my city. Midwifery is going to be covered 100% as of April... that's days away. I am worried I won't be able to get one. My homebirth friends have been telling me for ages, "As soon as you get a positive pregnancy test, you call the midwives!". I really hope I can squeeze my way in. I would feel much more confident trying for a VBAC under the supervision of midwives. I know I could do it with a doctor, but I am just not sure how much support I would receive. Anyways... I know it will all work out for the best. I know that God's will is all planned out and he truly looks out for me (and you) and wants the best for us. In the end I would really love to have another healthy little babe.
Now whether or not Stinx is ready to share me with a brother or sister is a whole other question :)
Oh and some of my lurkers have mentioned that they haven't been able to comment on the blog so I changed my comment settings. So comment away!


Amber said...

I hope that pregnancy finds you very soon and that you find a midwife as well.

If not, I did come across a doctor who gave me the go-ahead to have a VBA2C. He was supportive and impressed that I had done my research first.

I can give you his name if you'd like. I was very impressed with his knowledge even though a few people were not impressed with his bedside manner.

Anonymous said...

hi K, joel has become such a big boy
11 i enjoyed spending time with him :)

Alisha said...

This is the ICAN site for Edmonton, although they do have meetings in Calgary.

They can be a little fear mongering the other way though, (like the LLL) so you just have to be aware of that.

:) Don't worry about the midwife, as soon as you are pregnant we will get on it! ;)

Stinx' Mom said...

Yeah, actually I've been on the edmonton VBAC yahoo group for months :) I like reading the VBAC stories. I also get the calgary meeting email. I think I might start attending once I'm preggo.