Thursday, March 19, 2009

Can you help me pluck this plank out of my eye?

So I have been wanting to talk a bit about how mothers judge each other (myself included). And of course, it's not just mothers, it's the entire human race. Everyone does it. Kids judge each other based on the tv shows they watch, or the toys they play with. Teenagers judge each other based on the clothes they wear or the music they listen to. Adults judge each other based on the car they drive, their house or their careers. I would like to think that seniors don't judge as they would have learned better over the course of their life but I doubt it.
Humans just judge one another. Some more so than others. Some judge very rarely, while others do it all the time.
And I think new mothers judge even more so than average humans simply because we are doing something totally new, and we're insecure, and we hope we are doing things "right". Surely we must be doing it right! Mom's judge each other for everything! What you eat during pregnancy! How you have your baby! What you name your baby! How you feed your baby! If you circumcise your baby! If you wear your baby or use a stroller! If you feed your baby solids before 6 months! Or if you sleep train your baby! If you co-sleep with your baby! If your baby sleeps in a crib! If you potty train early! if you potty train late! How you discipline your children! Or if your "strict" enough! Seriously.. everything. And it's only because we hope we are doing things "right". It's an unconscious comparison between us and them (them being any other parent).
Truth is, we all do what is best for our babies and our families. We all do our best, based on the knowledge that we have at the time. That's all we can do. We can strive to learn more and do what we can with that knowledge. We can strive to listen to our gut (as Alisha would say) and not worry about what the other parents are doing.
But certainly, no one, is a perfect parent. And no one goes through parenting without a judgemental thought crossing their mind. It's inevitable. Like I said before, some judge more than others, but it happens to all of us.
I try to remember that we all do things differently, and that's ok, because not one parenting "style" is right, and we are just getting by on the knowledge we have.
And I like to think that as our children get older the less we will judge one another.


Alisha said...

You know I am bad for this. ;P
I try and not judge, but it happens, constantly. (esp. when it is a mom I don't know.) :(

Stinx' Mom said...

That's my point though.. I think no one is immune. Everyone does it sometimes. I think most people really try not to.. but it just happens. I know for myself - I always catch myself afterwards and regret it.