Sliding

Ok, so my blogging is pathetic. I really wish I could find the time to post something everyday. I'd like to use the excuse that I am not wasting time on the net as much as I used to. And, it is a true excuse.

Yesterday Stinx and I went to Banff with some of my friends that I have known for literally decades. It was a pretty good trip. I was anxious about it since we even started talking about it. The idea of going somewhere with Stinx for a whole day was a little nerve wracking. Reason being: nap time. I was pretty sure Stinx wouldn't nap somewhere other than his crib.

And...

I was right. I tried as hard as I could to get him to sleep at my friends place. I brought his sleepsack, his lovie (a taggie blanket), dimmed the lights, turned a fan on (I did forget the noise machine!) and used my greatest nap producer, the breast. None of which worked. After nursing for 20 some minutes, he was wide awake. Darn!

By 4pm my friends thought we should all go for a walk. I didn't bring a stroller and purposely brought my Toddlerhawk in case Stinx refused to nap. 10 minutes into our walk, Stinx was out like a light. He napped for 40 minutes, give or take.

It was nice though to get out of town and visit with friends I hadn't seen in a very long time.

Other than that, not much has happened, oh wait...

I did go to an Adoption Info night last week. That was super interesting. It was with an agency called Christian Adoptions. It was really informative and lots of my questions were answered. Myk and I are considering adopting... There is a Info Night with Child and Family Services this wednesday and I am hoping we will learn more about Fostering To Adopt.

But nothing has been decided. I am still taking prenatal vitamins :)

Wasp Attack!

It seems my blogging is slowly dying off. I won't let it though! I promise.

Yesterday Grandma and I took Stinx to the new park. It's a lovely park made for toddlers. While Stinx was on the swing a wasp was buzzing around his neck. I tried to get it away from him but the next thing I knew, the wasp was almost down his shirt. I moved his shirt but the wasp was sitting on Stinx' chest bone. It stung him.

But Stinx was tough. He didn't cry. He just started fussing and tried rubbing the area. Poor guy. I was so pissed at the wasp.

On another note, I bought this play kitchen for Stinx. I thought it was such a good deal for $20. The night I bought it I cleaned it up. However, a few days later I noticed the smell of cat piss in our basement. Oh no!!!!!!! The toy reaks like cat pee. Ugh. I have to get rid of it now. Boo.

Mom & Tot's Drop Out

Yep. That's me. The Mom & Tot's Drop Out.

Let me explain.

There is a church in my neighborhood and when we drove by on the week end, I noticed that the sign said, "Mom & Tot's - Starts Wed Sept 17 - 10:30-11:30am". I thought it'd be great to go. I figured since its in the neighborhood it would be a great way to meet more mom's in my community.

So Stinx and I went shopping this morning and then headed to the church for 10:30am. The moment we walked into the church I saw a couple of toddlers. One was crying, "I can't find my mommy!'. Hmmm.. I thought, that's no good. There were kids playing in a room very close to the front doors. I thought it was weird that there were no adults around (that I could see). I kept walking down the foyer and found a room with Moms and some babies. A woman approached me and invited me in. She explained that this is where the Mom's would be - doing "Mom Stuff". There was a table on the right with some papers on it. There was a nursery form, a Fall time table, some stuff on PPD etc. The lady introduced me to one of the mom's who was running the group. I sat down in the circle of chairs and waited for this shin dig to start. Finally a bit later 4 woman came in and introduced themselves. They were the child care volunteers. They'd be taking the 18 months + kids to the room I had seen by the front door, and the other 2 were taking newborn -18 months kids to the nursery room. They then asked to take the kids or bring them to the location. I was really not 100% comfortable with this.

I, thought, that this was going to be one of those Mom's Groups where you can play and hang out with your kids whilst talking to other Mom's. I didn't realize it was a "ditch your baby" party. I hesitated a bit but thought I should give it a go. I brought Stinx into the nursery and he immediately saw all the lovely toys. I made it clear to the volunteers that if he was crying to come get me. They said no problem and explained they would bring him to me because they don't let the babies get worked up. I thought that was good.

I went back to the "Mom" room. I sat at a table and filled out the nursery form. Hmmm. I was not sure I really wanted to give them any information. Secondly, I didn't want to sign anything because I didn't know these people from a whole in the wall. Especially since I don't know their requirements for volunteers. How am I supposed to know if they've had criminal record checks? This is standard stuff! Also, I didn't really want to fill this all out if I wasn't going to be coming regularly. I read the fall schedule and realized that they had specific topics the Moms were to talk about. Apparently next week's topic was "How to organize your kitchen". Maybe that's when I realized that this wasn't going to work. I sat at the table and listened to all the mom's chatting away (in the circle of chairs). Everyone seemed to know each other from the church. I started debating...

Do I stay? Or do I go?

Over and over... Hmm. I couldn't decide... Should I stick it out for the first meeting? Maybe I could make some new friends that live nearby. Hmmm.. Pondering.. Pondering.

"Ah, screw it. This isn't for me."

I folded the papers and put them in my diaper bag. I stood up, left the room, and went straight to the nursery. No one said anything, heck, maybe they didn't notice. I opened the door to the nursery and found Stinx playing very well with the other kids. I almost felt bad taking him out of there. I didn't say anything except "OK buddy, lets go". As I was walking down the hall I saw a Mom in the "Moms room" staring at me. I think she was thinking, "Why is she leaving? What the heck, weirdo". I just flippantly waved her good bye. And off we went.

I guess I am weird. But something just didn't seem right to me. Not that there was anything wrong with them - it just wasn't what I was hoping and expecting it to be. I was hoping to find a room full of Mom's and kids playing and chatting, all together. I really don't have an interest in sitting around talking about how to organize my kitchen and budgeting with complete strangers while my child is off in a nursery. No Thanks.

I have to mention that I am in a great Mom's Group at my own church. It meets every 2ND Wednesday. That's partly why I didn't want to sign any forms because I wasn't planning to do every week, which I think they would have preferred. Anyways... The Mom's Group I am in, is awesome and I really like it, but it's only bi-weekly. I know that with winter coming I will want to get out more often, so I am looking for a couple other groups to join. I was apart of 2 last year but they have dwindled away. Perhaps I should start my own?

My Nite Out

Wednesday's are my night out. I try to make plans with friends so I can get out of the house and interact with adults. Every once in awhile I forget though and sadly waste time on-line. However this past Wednesday I made plans with a friend.

Now in recent weeks, Myk and I have been discussing the bed time topic. I have been feeling like Stinx is needing to nurse less and less at bedtime. Sometimes he just doesn't want to. So I have felt like this would be a good time for Myk to learn how to put Stinx to bed. Myk has been pretty good with getting up in the night in the past but has never tried bedtime, mostly because Stinx always nurses before bed.

So on Wednesday night, Mike put Stinx to bed. I helped him with the bath and then took off to meet my friend downtown. While I drove downtown I realized that I hadn't told Myk to call me when Stinx was asleep. I thought about calling him later but then realized that the phone might distract Stinx (I usually unplug the phone upstairs but had forgotten). I ended up texting Myk and calling his cell. He never phoned me back. I had fun having coffee with my friend but I was also worried about how bedtime was going. Finally at 9:30pm my kind friend suggested I head home.

I very quietly snuck into the house. I thought there might be a chance that they were still awake. All the lights were off upstairs. I then heard Myk walking up the stairs. I headed over to talk to him. Woops. I accidentally freaked him out. He hadn't heard me come in, and it was pitch black (I didn't want to turn on the lights in case they were both still awake - I really didn't want to be a distraction). So I almost gave him a heart attack.

Turns out that Stinx went to bed very easily. No wining, no fussing, nothing! He went to bed super easy for Dad, and on time!

This now means that I can have a life at 7pm.

You see, before this, I could never go out at 7pm. For the past 18 months I've been stuck doing bedtime (which I really haven't minded). A couple months ago I wanted to take a Cloth Diapering 101 class but it was at 7pm. I wanted to attend a Foster Care Info Session, but it was at 7pm... I wanted to go to a tupperware party... but it was at 7pm. Ok, I didn't really want tupperware but it would have been nice to just go hang out.

On my Wednesday nite out's, I have always put Stinx to bed first, and then went out.

I feel like a free woman. And Myk feels great knowing he can put Stinx to bed.

Beat Down

Lately Stinx has been taking the brunt of a lot of terrible two year old's aggressive behavior. I don't hold it against these feisty two year olds - I am sure Stinx will be there soon enough himself. But it does get exhausting after the same child has pushed him over like 5 times in 5 minutes. I have to give credit to the Momma's though, they try to stop it. Terrible Two's just don't look like much fun. I am dreading that stage.

We went on a play date today. It was good, except for the aggressive behavior. Whats more surprising to me is that it came from a cute tiny little girl. I find most little girls really sweet, but this one, she was sweet but also feisty. Her mom calls her "Firecracker". The little girl would push Stinx but then hug him right away or try to console him. I think she just liked to watch Stinx reaction.

This was the 2ND time we had met this Mom and her kids (daughter 2.5, son 5 months). I really like her. She also had emergency c-births, does extended breastfeeding (& tandem), cloth diapers, and also listens to punk rock. Sweet! I think we will try to go to the zoo with them when it's nice enough.

The Farm Hand

My parents are on vacation and had my grandparents looking after all of their animals. My grandpa got sick though and needs to take it easy. So it was my job to care for the "flock" on the week end while my other grandma takes over again on Monday. I don't mind feeding all the pets and actually... gasp... enjoy it. BUT, I dislike commute. I live so far from my parents now. It's a 30 minute drive. If I still lived in the neighborhood I would take care of the pets the whole time. But 30 minutes one way is a bit much when you've got Stinx... and you have to make 2 trips a day. That's 2 hours spent in the car.

Anyways, my bit is done now. Stinx had a lot of fun yesterday. He was quite enthralled with Dyken's the dog. Oh and how he loved opening and closing the back door.

My task was the to feed the cats, the dog, and the.... Pigeons. That's right. Pigeons. My Dad is a pigeon breeder. I think he has about 40... give or take.

My parents have this pantry in the basement full of snacks and canned food. I always help myself to some treats. I decided to pay myself a little for the work I had done with the animals. I grabbed some cans of soup and some drinking boxes. I gave Stinx a drinking box with his lunch. Once we got back to our place, I took the cans of soup out. I usually know better, but this time I forgot - to check the date. My parents are notorious for having old stuff.. in the pantry... in the fridge.. anywhere. So I checked the soup... well, it went bad well over a year ago... Some would say "Oh, it's fine! Eat in anyway!".. Not me... no way.

I checked the drinking boxes. Hmm. They went bad only 10 days ago. I figured that was OK.

Next time I am going to be very careful reading the labels...

What I should be doing

I should be:

1. Throwing a load of laundry in the wash
2. Putting away the finished laundry
3. Stuffing the Pocket Diapers
4. Starting the dishwasher
5. Handwashing the other dishes
6. Sweeping and mopping the kitchen floor

Ideally that is what I should be doing right now.

If I was aiming high I would also clean the shower.

I just waste soo much of my precious time on-line. Since we moved to this new house we haven't had any cable tv. This is great! However, I find myself on-line way way way more often, simply because its the next best way to kill time without thinking. So needless to say, I don't get more down without TV, in fact, I think I get less done.

I'm off to tackle my to-do list. Then I will hopefully read more of my book... which was due back at the library 3 days ago. Ahem....

Mmmm... Ginger Cookies...

Here is a picture from our little zoo trip yesterday. The great thing about going to the zoo in the first week of September is that no one is there! All the kids are in school and its too early for field trips. It was also 3:00pm and cloudy. Makes for a great time as you get such a good view of all the animals. Here is picture of our friends Dawn and Ava, and Stinx looking at the baby Gorilla born in May. Stinx was practically kissing him through the glass.

Here's a picture of Corb and Stinx waiting at the end of the trip. I'm only posting this picture because Stinx looks so menacing.. he reminds me of some of the "sketchy" guys I worked with. Something about the hood, and the layered jacket, and that oh-so-serious look that Stinx gives.

This morning Stinx and I went to visit our friend who just had her 2nd child. Her oldest is 18 months, just a week younger than Stinx. Her daughter is a whopping 3 weeks old. She is just a tiny little gem. We had a great time visiting. Stinx must remember his little pal because he kept wanting to hug him. Poor S. seemed a little caught off guard by all of Stinx' affection. It was adorable to watch though. One of the last times the boys hung out they were hugging each other and being really cuddly! Maybe Stinx remembered that. Too cute.

In the afternoon I decided to bake some Giant Ginger Cookies. I love the delicious ginger cookies at Second Cup and was hoping to make some similar. The only trick is that Stinx can't have wheat. So I have been using Bob's Red Mill All Purpose Gluten Free Flour. So far it has worked great - although I do notice a bit of an after taste... Myk says there isn't though...hmmm.. I also have some Spelt flour that I am going to try. Stinx does well with spelt and most of the spelt I've had tastes just like wheat. So we baked some cookies and they turned out splendid. Here's some photos of Stinx enjoying them.

I love how he has a milk stache in this last photo.

Just Another Statistic?

I just found out that someone else I know had a c-birth. I cringe whenever I find out about another c-birth. Why? Why are they so common? It shouldn't be this way. Its ludicrous. I wish i could in the most polite way possible - tell every pregnant woman I know to try for a homebirth with midwives!!! Maybe watching the movie "The Business of Being Born" has brainwashed me... I also think every pregnant woman should watch that too!

Back to my thought for today...

I have spent a lot of time thinking about my c-birth in the past 6 months or so. There is a lot to think about. Why did it happen? Was it necessary? Could it have been prevented? Will I ever be able to have a natural birth?

When I found out I was pregnant with Stinx I was so ecstatic. When I told my cousin, Alisha, that I was would be joining her in motherhood she gave me the low down. She gave me lots of information on birth, breastfeeding, parenting etc. One of the things she told me was "Get Midwives! Its worth every penny". She had her first son at home (and now has had her 2ND son born at home as well) I decided to read a bit about Midwives and found myself liking the idea but I didn't have the $3000 spare. I figured that if many people have successful natural births in the hospital I could try for that too. I knew that I would be risking the chance of a c-birth by having my baby at the hospital. I decided I was OK with that - besides, I figured that most c-births were only in the case of emergencies.

I prepared myself for a natural birth. I wrote out a birth plan. I was really looking forward to using a birth ball, a squatting bar, and labouring in the shower. BUT, still I knew there was a chance of a c-birth (simply because I would be at the hospital). To me, in my opinion, a hospital birth means you have a 50/50 chance of a c-birth just because of the interventions. So I read a book called "What If I Have a C-Section" (http://http//www.amazon.com/What-If-I-Have-C-Section/dp/1579549071) I am soooo glad that I read this book. It is the perfect book to read if you are having a hospital birth. I don't want to review this book right now, but the book covers all types of c-births. It tells you ways to prevent them as well. Its a fair book, not making c-births pretty or attractive. I really found it to be an eye opener. Anyways, even though I read the book I still planned for my natural birth. I only read the book in case I might need a emergency c-birth.

I don't know if I have the energy to go into full detail of Stinx' birth. Basically, being the naive new mother that I was, I thought my water had broke and so called the hospital. They told me to come in and get checked. I went in on a Friday night. While checking me they realized that Stinx heart rate was super low. When I sat in different positions it would get better. The doctor on call wanted to induce me. She said that because I was 39 weeks we should just go ahead. Looking back - I should have, at this point, said "No way, see ya later!".. I told her I didn't want to be induced and asked what my options were. She said she didn't feel comfortable sending me home and that at minimum I should stay at the hospital overnight to be monitored and then in the morning be sent for an ultrasound to find the problem. So that is what i did. There wasn't even a room for me, so I stayed in the triage unit on a crappy bed. Overnight Stinx heart rate dropped a couple times but nothing too serious. In the morning the ultrasound unit was super busy. I didn't get the U/S until 3:00pm. So of course I was nervous the whole time about what could be wrong with my little baby. The U/S went well though and the tech led me on to believe everything was fine. However when I went back up to labour and delivery, the doctor told me a different story. She told me that my amniotic fluid was very low, the placenta was aging and that Stinx was likely pressing on his umbilical cord and causing the heart rate to drop.

The doctor wanted to induce me right away. I decided to go with her advice. I had refused to be induced up until this point because I had no reason to be. Now she had provided me with a reason. I really thought this would be best, because, that's what the Doctors told me. So I was induced. Of course, nothing really happened. And I wouldn't be able to walk around the hospital like I had planned. They told me I couldn't labour in the shower either because I had to be hooked up to the monitor the entire time. Then on Sunday morning they gave me something else to pick up the slack. Mild contractions started but not much happened. The nurses told me I'd probably have my baby by 11pm. Come 5pm or so I went to the washroom (I was constantly going to washroom) and when i came back the nurse realized that Stinx's heart rate had dropped. She didn't tell me this though. Myk and my mom were with me they realized what was happening as they could see Stinx heart rate dropping on the screen. The nurse kept asking me to turn this way and the other way. I was ticked, didn't she know what a pain it was for me, the 9 month pregnant woman, to turn over? Anyways, the story quickly picks up. She calls in another nurse, who calls in another nurse who calls in the doctor who calls in another doctor who calls in the surgeon. In the mean time the 2nd nurse breaks my water without telling me (or I don't remember) so she put the internal heart rate monitor on Stinx' head. His heart rate then went back to normal. The Surgeon recommends a c-section because Stinx' heart rate dropped so low but didn't go back up when I kept changing positions. He tells me it would be very risky to try for a natural birth. By this point I was praying to God that they would just give me a c-section. As soon as they broke my water and all those staff came in, I knew something was very seriously wrong. I wanted Stinx out - alive and healthy. I was so emotional at this point. Crying and just hoping for a c-birth. And that is was what happened.

Well I guess I did have the energy for most of the details. So now the question is, was it truly needed? Well I will say yes, I probably did need the c-birth at that point. But why? I believe its because of the induction. Inductions are known to drop babies heart rates. So why would the doctors push me to be induced, especially if the issue I was having was Stinx already low dropping heart rate? That doesn't make any sense to me!!! Why would you induce me if he was having heart rate issues?

Which leads me to believe that my c-birth could have been prevented.

If I could go back to Feb 23rd at 7:00pm I was at the bathroom at Tiffen House restaurant. I thought my water broke. In fact, it was just pee - the uncontrollable pee of a 9 month pregnant woman. My water was still fine. Even if I decided to go to the hospital to get checked, i should have just gone home after. I wish, I wish, I wish I had done something other than what I had done.

Our rights are our rights. I clearly didn't know my rights at the time. I just trusted the doctors. I trusted that they had my best interests in mind. And maybe they did, maybe they just air on the side of extreme caution and safety, fearing a lawsuit if something goes wrong.

Maybe I just needed a Doula. Mom and Myk were great support, but looking back, I really needed educated support.


I do take some relief in knowing that I didn't have a c-birth because my labour was taking to long and my doctor had a golf game to go to. That was not the case with me. My doctor has just got on shift. In fact, I had seen 3 doctors from Friday night to Sunday evening when Stinx was born. All of whom were fairly supportive of my birth plan.


When I start to get angry about my c-birth I try to just think of this positive: Stinx was born alive and healthy.


When I start to think that if I had done things differently, I try to think that God was in control and had a plan. And this brings up more to talk about. I PRAYED for months that I would have a natural birth. MONTHS. God fully understood my desire for a natural birth. But that is not what happened.


So when I question my c-birth and get upset about it, am I really just questioning the doctors, or am I questioning whether it was in God's hands. Maybe if I had been more educated (though i had read so much! and took a prenatal classes!) or maybe if I had midwives God would have changed the circumstances? I don't know. I know not to question God's will. But then, is everything God's will? God doesn't will me to make bad choices, so was a hospital birth just a bad choice?

***

Stinx and I went to the zoo today with my old friend Dawn. She just moved back to Calgary with her family. She has 2 kiddo's and one on the way. While browsing the pre-historic park at the Zoo we chatted about my birth. Dawn brought up some very good points. Prior to her 3rd pregnancy she seriously considered going to school for midwifery/nursing and so studied a bit about birth. She pointed out that low amniotic fluid is a real concern and that the placenta aging is an issue. She said she was surprised they were even going to give me the chance for a natural birth. After talking with her today I am feeling more that my c-birth wasn't just an unneeded medical surgery - perhaps it was crucial and important.

I think its good and healthy to question this birth as some c-births are really unnecessary. I guess its just easy to see mine as a statistic. How does one know if theirs is really required? I mean, I will never really know because it was done, and my child was born safely. There was the possibility of risk.

At my 6 week appointment the Doctor STRONGLY recommended trying for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) when I have another baby. She said that I likely wouldn't have the same problem again the next time.

Although Myk and I haven't decided 100% that we will have another biological child, I do know that if we do go that route, I will be going with Midwives. I really hope that I might be able to experience a natural birth. I do feel that I missed out on a piece of the journey by having a c-birth.

So I am going to say that this birth really was in God's hands. His will is the way - and I really shouldn't question that.

What A Morning.

3:00am - Wah Wah Wah. Stinx is awake. I go to his room and find him standing up and wanting me to pick him up. I stand there for a moment thinking of my options. Option #1 - Lay down the air mattress and crash while he settles back to sleep in his own crib. Option #2 - Knowing we have a specialist appt in approximately 4.75 hours I could bring him into bed with Myk and I and nurse him back to sleep.

Option #2 seems good because for the past 3 weeks Stinx wakes up at 6am, nurses in bed with me and sleeps an extra 1.5-2 hours. So figuring that Stinx usually falls asleep while or after nursing, we will both get more sleep if I bring him into my bed.

Foolishly I chose Option #2.

Now part of the reason I didn't go with Option #1 is because Stinx has been STTN (Sleeping Through the Night - Had to translate for those of you who have never experienced TRUE sleep deprivation) and so when he does wake up these days, usually once every 2 weeks, it seems to take him forever to fall back to sleep. He only seems to wake up when his teeth are really bothering him. I go in and give him some Tylenol and then crash on the mattress while he falls back to sleep. Sometimes it takes him 1.5 hrs to go back to sleep. So the air mattress method which I LOVE, is more for sleep training purposes (ie. staying with him, but not having to nurse him to sleep), not quick fixes.

Quick Fixes = Nursing.

Nursing last night = WRONG OPTION.

4:00am: Stinx is tossing and turning. He seems to have a fever. He can't seem to get comfortable. He is clearly trying to fall asleep but can't. Poor guy. Myk is clearly annoyed as he has to go to work. I am clearly frustrated as we have to see the specialist in 3.75 hours. I decide to take Stinx back to his room. I plop him in the crib and he starts to protest until he sees that I am climbing in there with him (One benefit to being short).

5:00am: Stinx and I are STILL awake. It is freezing in his room. I climb out of the crib and grab the comforter I usually use with the air mattress. The blanket is nice and warm. Stinx finally seems to get comfortable.

5:30am: By this point I am pretty sure we were both asleep.

6:45am: My internal alarm clock goes off. I wake up and see the time. Urgh. Have to get up by 7am at the latest.

7:00am: I get up and have a shower. Normally I would have skipped the shower because I was going to be so late anyways HOWEVER - I HAD to have a shower. I knew I smelled awful. I know this because a) I could smell it b)I honestly can't remember the last shower I had. For all I know it could have been a week ago. I am still the same old disgusting punk kid I was 15 years ago.

7:15am: Wake up Stinx. This is the first morning in the last 18 months when I didn't nurse Joel first thing. Stinx needs breast milk the way most folks need coffee in the morning. He's addicted. And the morning is when he needs this fix the most. But I get through some tears, get him dressed and we leave the house by 7:30am.

7:50am: I am lost. We are 5 minutes late.

7:55am: Found the Specialist's office. I take Stinx in and immediately we are brought in to a room where a nice pretty nurse is going to do Stinx's EKG. Stinx is trying to flirt with the nurse. He's acting shy and cute. Then he farts. Hahahaha. Oh man it was funny. Stinx was perfect for the entire appointment. We are there because the family doctor found heart murmur.

8:30am: Pediatric Cardiologist comes in and talks to us. He listens to Stinx heart and asks me some questions. He tells me that Stinx has an innocent heart murmur. Tells me that 60% of kids get it at some point. Most outgrow it by grade one. He tells me I won't have to come back and that I don't have to worry about it. I ask if its hereditary because I had a more serious murmur until I was 12 years old. The Doc doesn't seem to give a crap about that. So, that's cool, Stinx is perfectly healthy and now i don't have to worry.

One thing the Doctor said slightly irked me. When we talked about developmental stuff he asked how many words Stinx could say. I said "5 give or take". He said "So in total 25?".... Um no! He then referred to something that happened earlier in our conversation. Stinx was standing by a table and wanting to go up. He was whimpering in his own words that he wanted to climb up. I just naturally picked him because I wanted to focus on what the doc was saying. So doc reminds me of this and is like "You responded to his grunt. You know what he is trying to say but aren't teaching him how to say it. Its good that you are in tune with him but you need to teach him how to talk. Say the word for everything. Talk slower" . Anyways, I was a little choked. I basically got the message that he thinks I don't try teaching Stinx new words, ALL the time. And honestly, of course I don't do it 100% of the time because I'd likely go mental. But of course now I am feeling like a crappy mom.

So the rest of the morning I sounded like this "Say BYE BYE Stinx. Wave BYE BYE. BYE BYE DOCTOR. Say THANK YOU DOCTOR! Ooookkkk, nowwwwww, it is time to goooooo home. DDDDOOOOO you want some BA-NA-NA? How about some M-I-L-K?"

Anyways you probably get the point. I am trying to enunciate everything. Darn it, I am hoping he'll know a few new words by the end of the day.

Despite the talking conversation, the Dr was awesome and I am super super SUPER happy that Stinx is healthy.

I'm off to google 18 month old speech.

What Have I Done?

Since watching $100 & a T-Shirt I've been killing time searching zines on-line. This is going to be the end of me! I went to the http://www.microcosmpublishing.com/ site and now I have a packed shopping cart. I don't even want to know if they take paypal..

There is so much I want to read and so much I want to watch. There just isn't enough time - for sure not with a little fella around.

I suppose I should go back to reading "A Piece of Cake" By Cupcake Brown. The book is due back at the library in 2 days and I'm not even halfway through it. Its not a bad book, it's AWESOME, I just don't have as much time to read anymore. I'm lucky if I can read for an hour everyday. The book is almost 500 pages... Certainly won't be finished by Wednesday.

Maybe if I spend less time on www.diapeswappers.com and Facebook I'll be able to finish my library books...

How It All Began

Sooooo. Perhaps some of you won't be surprised that I am doing a blog. I mean, it is me, the old zinester. I used to have something to write about all the time. Journals, zines, on-line journals, previous blogs. Some of you have probably read something I have written down before.

Here is my previous history of writing:
1. Journals/Diaries: It started in elementary school. Isn't that when every young girl discovers she can write her feelings out with pen and paper? Those lame mini diaries that come with the crappy lock and key (that anyone can pick!). It progressed in grade 7. I decided to write to God. I found that writing my prayers out was so helpful to me. This is a habit I haven't outgrown and probably won't. A day doesn't go by without jotting down a note to the Big Guy. In high school I had journals that were just for poetry and writing.

2. Zines: I started writing zines when I was 16. Heck that was 11 years ago. Wow that makes me feel old. I am ancient. My first zine was called Zither. It was a Christian Punk Zine. I did the first 3 copies myself and then had a "friend" aka Myk help out. This is actually how I met my husband but that it a whole other blog for a whole other day. So we did Zither and invited friends to write for it as well. Zither made it to a total of 7 zines. I also did Lantern Girl which was a personal zine full of my crappy poetry and writing. I really enjoyed this one. It lasted to 7 issues as well. I planned to continue this zine however when i moved back from winnipeg I found I just couldn't write anymore. I felt like I had nothing to say. And that was the end of my zines.

3. Lantern-girl@diaryland.com or something like that: My first on-line diary. I basically started doing all my writing on here. I wrote almost every day and loved it. But when I started at the shelter I felt I couldn't really say a whole lot anymore because of confidentiallity. So I gradually just stopped.

4. Myspace Blog: I had/have one there too. This one I only wrote in occasionally. However since I never check myspace anymore, its useless. At least I can go back and read it every once in awhile. It does have blogs from my pregnancy and early Stinx months.

5. Blogspot blogs: I have two of these, well 3 including this one. One of them is a mommy blog. it sucks. I never write in it much and mostly just complained about what a crappy sleeper my Stinx was. The 2nd one was good. It was all about the characters in my neighborhood. However, since I moved to a nice quiet street, there aren't any more interesting stories to tell.

Yesterday Myk and I were watching this sweet documentary about zines called : A Hundred Dollars and a T-Shirt. It totally reminded me of how much fun it was reading zines and making them. I seriously miss that era of my life. So I decided I will do a real blog. One that I will make public to whoever the heck wants to waste their time reading it (haha! thats you sucka!).