Bee the Betty

Isn't she a gem?

Glow

So people always talk about that pregnancy "glow". What is that? The only glow I seem to get is my big ass dumb smile. My hair doesn't flourish with pregnancy - in fact it's the opposite. It falls out. Seriously! After a shower when styling this mane, my hairs comes out so easily. What the heck.

The only thing that really seems to flourish during pregnancy is my finger nails. They're normally just weak things but add a little pregnancy hormone and I have talons. Super strong and they just grow and grow. So weird.

Pregnancy is so weird.

Stinx & Bee

Stinx giving Bee some doucies. This was seriously so cute. He kept wanting to "feed" her.

Then a little snuggle on the couch.

Planning for a VBAC

So as my due date comes closer I am thinking more about this upcoming birth. I am trying to focus on how it can be a more positive experience than the first. Not depending on which way baby arrives, VBAC vs C-Birth, but how it can be better. Of course, my goal is to have a natural VBAC, but what matters the most is that baby arrives safely and that I feel informed and in control of the experience.

Let's say for example, baby is breech, I will probably have to have a c-birth. That doesn't mean history has to repeat itself. In some ways, planned c-birth's are easy to prepare for. You are expecting it. But in the case I might need another emergency c-birth, it doesn't have to be a repeat of Stinx birth. Things I want to do differently, should a c-birth be necessary? I want to hold my baby and not let go after a few minutes. I want to nurse my baby right away, as soon as possible. If for some reason I can't hold the baby, baby must stay with Dad. I would want less pain medication so I'm not high as a kite! I'd never leave baby out of Dad's or mines vision. This baby would be with all the time, not off in the nursery waiting to be bathed. And not really super important but one regret I have, I want to see my placenta.

That said, I am not planning for a c-birth. That is just my emergency back up plan. If a c-birth is necessary, I do believe it can be an entirely different experience this time around. Partly because I feel I will be doing everything humanly possible to avoid one, meaning that if one is required, it will be needed. I won't be left wondering if it was needed or not.

So coming back to the VBAC. I've picked out an awesome doula with lots of VBAC experience. Her resume is seriously impressive. I feel that with her by Dad and I's side, she will be a huge support. I know I will be able to ask her questions and get an unbiased answer. From what I read, having a doula at a VBAC is the #1 best thing you can do to prepare - even more so than a good doctor or midwife. I've also signed up for a VBAC class with the local health region. I haven't talked to anyone who's taken the class so I am interested in seeing how it goes. It will be two evenings in the fall.

Anti-Kels and I went to a LLL meeting on Monday and while I was there I browsed their library. I was sooo happy to find they had The VBAC Companion book. I have looked high and low for this book. It's a bit pricey to buy on-line so I was hoping to find a copy locally. My doula has a copy but I am not sure when I will be able to borrow it. So I started reading that this week as well. I've also got a copy of Birthing From Within (that I totally scored at Goodwill!) and I read through bit's of Ina May's book too. So I am trying to fill myself with as much knowledge as possible.

Our local VBAC group isn't running currently so I am trying to organize a Mom's Night Out or Playdate with the VBAC mama's in my local attachment parenting playgroup. I am really looking forward to hearing all of their first hand experience and advice. I can read tons of info on-line but there's something reassuring about talking to people who have really experienced something.

I can do it. At this moment, there is no reason why I won't be able to have this baby girl naturally. I can do it. My body was designed to do this.

Potty Learning

Stinx has been making good progress in his potty learning. I have finally worked up the guts to take him out in public without a diaper on. I was so nervous about this - but it's been working out pretty well so far. He's been very co-operative about going potty before we leave the house and while we're out. I feel like he could be potty trained before the baby comes. And then of course I will expect a regression after the baby comes. But I still think it's better to teach him now than after. We bring the little potty with us everywhere. This has helped a lot. He's not really scared of big toilets but he doesn't want to use them most of the time. So the little potty has come in very handy.

I also have to say that I love my diaper sprayer. Not only is it great for when I used it to clean poopy cloth diapers, but it's wonderful to use to spray out the potty. Such a genius invention.

I also really want to try Elimination Communication with the next baby. I don't know how soon I'd start but I'd like to start a regular potty time first thing in the morning once she's able to sit up. I think I will experiment before then but it probably won't be consistent.

It looks like my new year's goals just might be met.

Public Doucies

Today Stinx and I went looking for training pants. I realized the other day that most of his current trainers are too small, aka difficult to pull up and down (a concept he hasn't mastered), like size 18 months (he is almost 30 months). So I am currently on the hunt.

While hunting in Army & Navy I passed a woman sitting on a bench in front of the change rooms. There she sat nursing her toddler. He was probably 18 months old. I was so impressed. She wasn't the *typical* extended breastfeeding mother I see on occasion (aka a hippy). She was of an ethnic minority and dressed in her culturally traditional clothing.

I turned to her and said, "It's so nice to see people breastfeeding in public! It makes me happy". I then smiled and walked away. She just smiled back.

She probably thought I was crazy. Haha. I just wanted to say something encouraging. It really was nice to see.

Getting back to routine

I have been attempting to get Stinx and myself back into a routine now that I am feeling better. Some of it is going well. He's been watching a lot less TV, eating at the table more, but the nap... That just might have been wishful thinking. I think the nap really is on the way out. It worked the first couple days but after that it wasn't working. And I definitely tried. I think he will still nap every few days (If I put my effort into it) but realistically, the nap is on the way out. I guess he's just getting older.

We've also been getting out a lot more. I think this has helped tremendously! Activities are always nice... Even if it is a trip to the dentist.

Yesterday Stinx had his 2nd visit. This dentist was way better than the first I took him to. Stinx still got upset and cried when the dentist looked in his mouth. Afterwards the dentist asked me how Stinx does getting his hair cut and or seeing the doctor. I mentioned that he's done really well, but now that he pointed it out, Stinx is very cautious in new surroundings. DUH! I don't know why I didn't think of it before. He does well at the doctor because he's seen her since he was a tiny baby. The hair dresser - he's a little reluctant, acts very shy, but doesn't cry. But it totally makes sense with the dentist. When the assistant brought us to the back Stinx was nervous. I got him to sit in my lap and after awhile, maybe 5 minutes, he warmed up to her. He was looking around at the other kid next to him, asking what the assistant was doing etc. He just needed time to get comfortable. Then the dentist comes in and introduces himself. He was very quiet and gentle but after a minute he wants Stinx to lay his head on a pillow in his lap and open his mouth wide. DUH, he's scared, he doesn't know you at all. So yeah, at the next appointment I am going to ask that the dentist hang out with us for like 5 minutes before starting the open mouth exam stuff. I have a feeling it will go much better. Stinx is just a cautious little guy. He doesn't jump into things.

So back to activities! I have signed Stinx up for his very first swimming lessons and a dance class. Both classes are parented and 30 minutes long. Swimming will be on Mondays and dance will be on Thursdays. I think this will help us get out of the house more in the fall. Although, I am nervous about the dance class... what if I can't keep up? I'll be 7-8 months along by then. LOL.

Baby Bee

This is my 3 day old neice! Stinx and I went for a quick visit today. I ended up doing a little lesson in swaddling.

Girly Dipes!

Yay! My first girly diapers! While Dad was down in Houston this past week I got him to pick these diapers up for me. The first is a XS thirsties fab fitted diaper and the second is an XS Bum Genius all-in-one diaper. Both are so cute and tiny!

ps- Oh yeah, forgot to mention, I had an ultrasound awhile ago and I've been told it's a girl! I meant to post about it but I figured most of you know already via facebook.

Baby Bee is Here!!!

Anti-Kels had her baby girl this afternoon!!! Her nick name is Bee and for confidentiality, I'll leave it that way in my blogs. She was born at 3:20pm weighing 6lbs 4oz and measuring 18 inches long!!!! She sounds so cute and tiny!!! I asked Bugma what color her hair was and she said it looked black - she wasn't sure since she was wearing a little cap. Aw! I can't wait to see her but it might be awhile still. Only grandparents are allowed to visit in the hospital.

I am soo proud of her! From the sounds of it the only help she had was a little laughing gas near the end!! Good job Kels!! I'm so proud of you!!! I am so happy Kels got to experience a vaginal birth! yay! I'm so glad her little baby is cute and healthy!!

And hopefully she'll turn out to be a champion nurser!!!

I'm soooo excited to be an Aunt! Yippy! I'm officially Anti-Kirsty.

Insomnia Sucks

Stinx woke up at 3am or something. I didn't really look at the clock. He came to my room looking for me - trying to drag me back to his little bed. I told him to come sleep in my big bed but he refused. He mentioned earlier that my room is too dark. I need a night light. As I get bigger, his bed gets too small.

We both went pee on the potty and then went back to his bed.

I've been laying there for over an hour. I can't fall back to sleep. Whether it's pregnancy induced or just the fact that I can't shut my brain off, I don't know.

But I figure if I write out what my thoughts are, maybe I'll be able to sleep soon.

First I was thinking of how Anti-Kels is due really soon. I just checked my FB and she told me she's having regular contractions every 10 minutes. Wow. Could be sooner than I thought. Then I was thinking about how I will have to get this baby out of me at some point. I will be birthing at the same hospital Stinx was born at. When I start thinking about nurses or doctors wanting to do interventions, I automatically feel hostile. Like bitter. Like a bitch. Like, don't fuck with me. I just don't want to be trampled on again. I want the nurses to ask my permission for everything they do. Check how far dilated I am? Ok, so long as you ask my permission. I know I really need to deal with this bitterness before the baby comes. I'm working on it. I tried making an appointment for a private session of the Birth Stories work shop through Birthing From Within. The instructor was on holidays. I think she's back now. I'll have to call her tomorrow.

After I thought about my desire for a VBAC and my hostility towards the hospital staff, my thoughts turned back to work.

I saw a client on Wednesday who just puzzles me. When I met him years ago, he was an angry young man with an intense crack addiction. He was aggressive, rude and got into fights. He was barred many times and then for life. He'd still manage to sneak into the building at meal times and then sleep off his crack runs. He looked like crap. He looked like a zombie. I remember times pleading with him to leave. I hated the thought of kicking him out. Even though he was a jerk, I knew he just needed some food and sleep. I think it was right before I had Stinx, he cleaned himself up. So this was about 3 years ago. I remember seeing him sober and thinking he looked like a totally different person.

So anyways, I saw him on Wednesday again. I see him every now and then on my weekly shift. He looks handsome now, like a normal 29 year old man. He looks healthy. He acts respectable. He has clearly gone through an amazing life change. A miracle. Seriously, a miracle. What I don't get is why he is still at the shelter. Has he switched one addiction for the other? Perhaps gambling instead of smoking crack? Or does he just lack life skills and the support needed to get off the street? He puzzles me. I want to ask him what happened, what made him clean up? I want to tell him to go all the way, get off the street, but I won't. I'm too shy to say stuff like that unless I know the person well. And I don't know him well. Our conversations in the past were limited to me begging him to leave the building without me having to call the police.

I want to encourage him and tell him I am still blown away by his change in attitude and lifestyle. It is a radical difference.

I want to hear his story. It's hard getting to that point with a client though. It takes time and 4 hours a week doesn't leave me with lots of time to build re pore with clients. It basically leaves me enough time to visit the clients I already know well.

I'm going to attempt to go back to bed now. Good night.

Laziness

Last night I worked at the shelter. My weekly shift. It's getting tougher to go down there. Not because I don't enjoy it - I do. It's just pregnancy. It's my lack of energy. Pregnancy has made me really lazy - and with a lot of things. I just find that on wednesday nights I'd rather be in pj's than visiting my friends at the shelter.

How else am I lazy? Well Any routine I used to have with Stinx crumbled. At first it started with the TV. I was so sick and exhausted in the first trimester that I let Stinx get away with watching too much tv. I definitely feel like he's addicted to it, like crack. He's not one of those kids who watches a little bit and does a craft or play with a toy, no. He's glued to the TV like a zombie. And when I dare turn it off, he throws a fit.

Then there's nap times. They seem to be very difficult these days. We used to have a routine of having lunch then reading books and then nap. Once I got pregnant I basically told him to come nap with me. I'd usually be asleep before him. It worked fine the first few months but now Stinx really fights the nap and I lost the drive to pursue it. So sometimes he just doesn't. Sometimes thats fine, but if he misses it more than 2 days in a row, I've noticed it gets to him.

Bedtime is another one I've gotten too slack with. His bedtime used to be 9pm but now it's all over the map - because of the weird nap habits.

I know all of this isn't a big deal, and I slacked out of survival, but now that I am feeling more energetic, I can see what's happened. The lack of routine is causing me more trouble than good. Things aren't predictable for Stinx the way they used to be. He feels like he can watch tons of tv, doesn't have to eat meals at the table, doesn't have to nap etc. He tantrums more than he was before. And I feel like thats partly because of the lack of predictability. He's also been up more at night.

So I'm changing my ways... well going back to the old ways when we had routine. Here are the new "Rules" I am implementing.

1. No TV until Stinx is dressed and had breakfast
2. Limited Tv time
3. Must eat all meals at the table (snacks can be wherever)
4. A nap every day - after book reading. (I want to start the nap routine by 2pm)
5. Bedtime Bath will be started at 8pm every night regardless of the nap.
6. I also want to have a planned activity every day. Now that I have the energy again I want to be more active - ie. playdates, park, library, swimming, zoo etc.

It helped writing this out. I've been thinking about it a lot this week and seeing what I want to go back to is helpful. I know it's not hard, it's just a matter of consistency, and I think Stinx needs it. I'm tired of fighting with him over trivial things like turning the tv off or eating supper in the kitchen or napping.

Grocery Delivery!

I know I am really whiny when it comes to groceries. I know I've blogged about it all too often. But this should be the last one... I promise.

Yesterday I gave in and decided to actually try grocery delivery. Everyone has recommended Spud.ca so I checked them out first. They seem to only deliver to once a week depending which neighborhood you are in. They wouldn't be in my neighborhood until Friday and I decided that was too long to wait. So I then tried the Sunterra Market. They do same day delivery and the charge is only $8. The website was being really annoying last night but I finally got it to work. My order was supposed to be delivered between 10am-1pm today. By 1:30 they hadn't arrived and I worried my order didn't go through. I called them and it turned out their website wasn't working properly this week end. However, they did get my order, they were just behind. The person on the phone told me the delivery would be there soon.

And by 2pm it was at my door. Amazing! Groceries at my door. I love the concept.

Forget about low blood pressure and fainting! Forget about the toddler throwing a fit in the grocery store! Just stay home. Let someone else do it for you.

And yeah, I know, Sunterra Market isn't cheap. We won't be ordering groceries every week. But when I don't feel well or when Dad is out of town for work, I will definitely be ordering my groceries!

One Wicked Storm

Yesterday Stinx didn't nap. Some days he just refuses. Some days it takes him forever to fall asleep. When he doesn't nap, he'll often wake up at night once or twice - which tells me he still needs a nap. But anyways... Yesterday was one of those non-nap days. Dad and I went to a wedding reception in the evening and Bugma was babysitting. Bugma put Stinx to sleep at about 8:15pm.

I probably didn't go to bed until 11pm. At 1:15am Stinx woke up calling for me. I went to his room and snuggled him back to sleep. Then I snuck out and enjoyed my big bed again. About an hour later I heard this really strange sound on the monitor. I thought he had woken up but it turned out to just be wind and rain. Then it got louder, really loud. The next thing I know it's hailing and it's sooo loud I am convinced Stinx will wake up any moment. I sneak back into his room. I knew that if he woke up he would be really frightened. The wind, hail, thunder and lightening were all really close and intense. And it was loud. Did I mention that?

So I waited. and waited. and waited. Stinx slept through it. It sounded like a tornado was buzzing around the neighborhood but he slept through it. Finally once the storm settled and moved east I snuck back into my own room and went back to sleep.

An hour later, "Mom!!!!". He woke up again!!!

How is it that my child woke up before the crazy scary storm, and after the crazy scary storm, but not during? I got such a kick out of that.. well kinda, I was sorta tired and exhausted in the middle of the night but... it was still kinda funny. He can sleep through anything I guess... He just can't transition from sleep cycles.